It's been almost 10 weeks ago that I thought this little blog idea was a good one. HA! 18 weeks in and I'm feeling good. In the last post I mentioned having a little bit of nausea, feeling tired, and really no food ever sounding good, and that continued til about week 13/14, then I felt normal again :) There for a while I was exhausted all day everyday and had little motivation to do anything. Thank God that changed with the 2nd trimester! Matt was glad too :) He was beginning to wonder if I was milking this whole 'pregnancy' thing! I told him that even on a day where I did ABSOLUTELY nothing, I still worked harder than him because I'm making a baby!
We've had 2 ultrasounds up until last Friday, which was the 3rd. The ultrasounds are my favorite! I've loved getting to see you grow and move around each time. I still can't believe you're inside me, I mean, I barely even have a baby bump! But each doctor visit confirms you're there, still alive and well.
Last Friday was a big day for us and 'Peanut Pack', as we've been referring to you as. Friday we found out what you are...a girl! To be completely honest, I was in total shock. I had built up in my mind that this tiny little gift from God was certainly a boy. I imagined myself raising boys, we'd picked out mostly boys' names, and I'd even fallen in love with a boyish nursery theme (even though I wanted to make it unisex). And then, there you were, all girl. It didn't make sense to me at first. And then I remembered a book I'm going through with some girls from church called "Let Me be a Woman". The author, Elizabeth Elliot, composed letters to her daughter at the height of the feminist movement that moved through our country during the 70's and 80's. She wrote these letters in order to give them to her daughter when she married so she would know God's principles that distinguish men and women. Here is the excerpt that came to mind after we found out about you...
"We sometimes hear the expression 'the accident of sex,' as though one's being a man or a woman were a triviality. It is far from being a triviality. It is our nature. It is the modality under which we live all our lives; it is what you and I are called to be--called by God, this God who is in charge. It is our destiny, planned, ordained, fulfilled by an all-wise, all-powerful, all-loving Lord.
I had wanted a son. ...it had seemed logical to me to want the eldest to be a boy, an older brother, the firstborn, the heir. So we had prayed for a son and your father was quite certain that God would give him to us.
Your father was with me when you were born. I could see his face when the doctor said, "It's a girl." He smiled at me and at once said, "Her name is Valerie."...
...He was perfectly contented to be the father of a daughter instead of a son. So I was content. It was God who had given you to us, God to whom our prayers for a son had been made, and God who knew reasons we did not then know that made His choice far better."
Though your dad and I didn't pray for a son necessarily, these words bring me much peace and joy in knowing that what I am far more scared to do (raising a girl instead of a boy) is something that was completely ordained and planned by God for His purposes. He chose you for us :) You, sweet, precious, baby girl are an incredible gift from our Maker and I am so excited to bring you into this world and have the pleasure and honor of being your mother. I am scared to death of being a role model to you and I'm afraid of you being just like me. But I am comforted by my Savior who I will lean on incredibly to help me when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing (which will probably be a lot!). And I hope to be able to teach you to do the same. We already love you so much, baby girl, and cannot wait to meet you!
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